In an earlier blog post, we talked about how thoughts about trauma alone aren’t what make an event traumatizing. But how we think about our lives does impact our recovery from trauma. Let’s say you feel anxious in a social situation because of an event that happened in your past, and you decide to call yourself pathetic, or tell yourself to just “get over it”. In that case, you’re only hurting yourself even more. Your thoughts about what you’ve been through can help, or hurt you, along the way. You can’t drill sergeant your way out of a traumatic reaction.

Thinking “positively” could be hurtful too. If positivity means ignoring your problems because they’re “not so bad”, and “everybody’s a little traumatized, right?”, then you’re still not addressing the issue. If your difficult experiences “weren’t that bad”, then they wouldn’t have an impact on your life.

Acknowledging what happened, and having realistic expectations about your recovery are important points to consider. It’s true: We can’t change the fact that traumatic events happened in the past. It’s often at this point that people start to feel despair. “So, should I just give up then?”

No, definitely not. With the proper help, and supportive people in your life, treatment can decrease how much, and how often, your trauma distresses you. Maybe you can even get to the point where entire days will go by, without a single trauma response. That’s worth fighting for.

Addressing trauma head on is very difficult. Therapists trained in trauma therapies know this. They will work with you slowly, to avoid overwhelming you. You have the right to choose whether you work through your trauma, and how much to work on it. Avoiding the trauma entirely doesn’t help, but neither does throwing you into the deep end of the pool on day one of swimming class. There are gentler ways to resolve trauma than that.

Some people come to therapy so ready to do the work that they plan to go into every excruciating detail and may even rehearse the details of what happened beforehand. It’s probably a bad idea to start trauma work this way.

Remember the pool? Don’t make yourself struggle more than you have to. The details are an important part of the work, but this isn’t a race, and you don’t get a trophy for speeding through the events.

Steps to remember:

(1) You get to decide when you’re ready to share even one piece of your trauma.

(2) Take your time.

(3) Be aware of what it’s like to share your story. The thoughts and feelings that manifest are just as important as the details.