Talking About Sex

How often does the average adult think about sex? – Quite often.

How often does the average adult share the details of their sex life with strangers, acquaintances, family, or coworkers? – Usually never.

How many people have mature conversations about sex with someone other a partner? – Not many.

Even in 21st century America, sex is frequently sought after, but rarely discussed. Anonymous conversations online don’t overcome the challenge of talking frankly about sex with people we know. There are various reasons why sex is kept relatively private. But too much privacy around sex comes with risks.

When people have concerns about their sexual thoughts, feelings, or behaviors, they are left in a difficult situation: Who to turn to?

People might cope with this challenge by (1) relying on their own personal beliefs about sex, (2) have awkward and limited conversations with family, friends, or clergy, or (3) need to filter through the thoughts of random internet strangers. These options could be helpful, but they might be subjective, biased, or impossible to get through. So, when a person believes that a part of their sexuality isn’t okay, people can be unsure of who to turn to.

Therapy can help.

Sex therapy and sexuality counseling cover a range of sexual concerns. Therapists can (1) help people identify normal vs abnormal sexual functioning, (2) manage the mental health and trauma concerns impacting someone’s sex life (3) resolve distress around a person’s sexual identity, (4) diagnose a sexual disorder, and (5) give referrals if a concern is outside their scope. Certified sex therapists can do all those things, and offer more specialized treatment, including sexual enhancement therapy, and working with couples on other specific sexual concerns.

Sex addiction is not recognized as a mental disorder in the current Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-5-TR). This is the manual that mental health professionals in America use to diagnose related concerns. Well-intended lay people have tried to pick up the slack, e.g. certain 12-step groups. But in some cases, these groups have beliefs and suggestions that fly in the face of even basic sex therapy and human sexuality.

Things to remember: Masturbation is normal. Sex outside of marriage is not inherently unhealthy. LGBTQ+ people have sex too.

Here are some sexual concerns a therapist can help with:

(1)   You’re upset about your sexual desire, arousal, or ability to orgasm, and your doctor has told you the issue isn’t medical.

(2)   You often feel upset, scared, or numb when having sex, or you avoid it completely, even though you want to have sex.

(3)   You want to change something about your sexual behavior.

(4)   You notice a conflict with your sexual identity, attraction, or behavior.

(5)   You don’t want sex (anymore, or never have) and you want to come to terms with that, for yourself, or with your partner.

(6)   You’re concerned because your sexual interests are illegal, or socially unacceptable.

If any of this sounds relevant to you, reach out to a therapist for support. You don’t have to deal with these struggles alone.