Let’s say you want to trust people more, but you’re not quite sure how to do that. In other words, you’re looking to connect with someone, or people in general.

Think about a specific person you want to connect with. Here are some questions to ask yourself: Who is the person you want to connect with? Why do you want to connect with them, as opposed to someone else? What have they done, or not done, to earn some trust? What qualities do they have that make you want to connect with them?

Hopefully you’re figuring out why this person might be worthy of trust and connection. Or your answers might be telling you to not connect with them after all.

There’s also the possibility that you want to connect with them, but it feels scary. Has this person given you reason to distrust them? Do they ever make you feel afraid, or unsafe? How much have you been hurt by their actions?

Even if you’ve now figured out they’re a good person you want to connect with, you could still feel uneasy. This is a normal feeling. Getting to know someone better than you know them now can be stressful! So, what can you do?

It’s easier to connect with someone when you have a shared activity or experience to discuss. “How’s the weather?” is classic, if boring. Some other examples include “I saw that we drive the same car… I heard that we’re watching the same show… We’re back at the office on a Monday, again!”

Other common topics may include: what you did over the weekend, activities you like to do for fun, and positive things about your kids, partner, or family. Shared interests, experiences, and values can bring people closer together.

Beyond that, building deeper connections requires something emotionally risky: Sharing things you may disagree on, or that might be misunderstood. There are important reasons why deeper connections with others can be difficult to achieve. Luckily, therapy can help you take that next step to building greater emotional intimacy, where you’re connecting with others in more meaningful ways.